Originally posted on Thursday, April 30, 2009 on myspace.com
I’m beginning to look at this town differently. It happened the other day as I drove down the street. I looked at a yellow house on a corner, and I felt as if I had never lived in this town. As quickly as the feeling came, it subsided.
I’m thinking now. Possibly thinking more than I have ever thought in my entire life. In high school, I never envisioned myself as a person capable of having a future. I never had the foresight. It was all about the present, all about the lack of consistency.
It scares me, the fact that these feelings and thoughts are beginning to fall into a normal pattern. I feel like the closer I get to a real life, the more these things occur. One of these days, I really won’t live in this town. Then, I will always see the yellow house on the corner the way I saw it that day. One of these days, my future will be my present. I will be a creature of vices and routines. I will begin to fear my mortality.
I can’t help but think that all of this change won’t be for the better. I can’t help but think that I’ll hate my new life. It’s true when they say that we cannot love what we do not know. Did they say that? Or did I? I suppose I made that up, but my theory will still hold true. I can and will not love what I do not know. I suppose I will just have to get to know and love the dark, undefined patches. Only then can I bring light.