Originally posted on Thursday, August 14, 2008 on myspace.com
I’ve been here a while.
I don’t know what “here” is, but here I am.
Or so I believe.
There’s nobody else here, it’s just bright white space.
I mean, that is if you can call this white.
I don’t know what anything is anymore.
When a man is in infinite space, his mind can start to wander.
That is if you can call this infinite.
Or even space for that matter.
You don’t need to know who I am, that’s not important.
I’m not important.
I’m just a singularity in this infinite space.
I guess I can tell you the beginning (or the end) but I don’t know much more.
Depending on how you percieve either of those.
It was the last day of school.
My friends were there, we were all content.
If that’s what emotion it was.
I sipped coffee and felt merry.
Purely enjoying the company of the others around me.
Selfish in my happiness, expecting everything to be constant.
Then it began.
Just a flicker; not even a flicker, a minuscule flash, of the infinite white.
Everything seemed just a little more translucent to me.
This is when I realized what was happening.
What my non-conformity had finally done to my reality.
I began to question it, and from that moment on it started to drift.
It was very subtle at first, it felt as if I was breaking a habit.
You know that feeling?
The feeling that something is absent.
But that thought is all the way at the back of your mind, so you don’t realize it.
I mean, subconsciously you know it’s there, but it hasn’t surfaced yet.
Yeah, it felt like that.
Like something was beginning to disappear, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
From that day on, everything felt somewhat thin.
Like my universe was a membrane, and I could push my nail through it with ease.
Day by day, that thin movie screen of a universe began to flicker even more.
My universe was a light bulb waiting to go out.
Then one day, 2 weeks from the first day, that light bulb did go out.
I have been sitting in my infinite space ever since.
If this is death, then death is everything horrible, and nothing horrible at the same time.
It’s intangibly tangible.
If there is something, then it’s nothing.
Does this mean anything to you?
Well, it means everything to me.
If those are the words you still call it by.
I can’t seem to turn the switch back on.
I can’t seem to find the switch itself.
If I can’t find a way I’m stuck here eternally.
Is this eternal?
So, this is what it feels like to be nothing.
That’s a funny statement.
I don’t know if this is.